[News] All the News That Doesn't Fit Anywhere Else - NYPD to Racially Profile White Males

[Anti-Imperialist News]

*All the News That Doesn't Fit Anywhere Else*
by Susie Day

*NYPD to Racially Profile White Males
*

*http://mrzine.monthlyreview.org/2012/day051112.html
*

New York, NY -- Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Police Commissioner Raymond 
Kelly announced today in a joint press conference that, following a 
recent study on race and "going-postal" homicides, the New York City 
Police Department will revamp its Stop and Frisk crime prevention policy 
by instructing officers to stop and frisk male Caucasians.

Stating that their main concern was, per usual, the safety of the 
average citizen, Mr. Bloomberg explained, "We did one of those 
comprehensive studies where you get data and then you look at the data? 
  We wanted to find out who's most likely to gun down innocent New 
Yorkers -- besides police officers just doing their job, I mean."

Commissioner Kelly cut in to elucidate.  "We pored over decades of 
public homicide cases, pinpointing deranged shootings 
<http://timelines.latimes.com/deadliest-shooting-rampages/> in just the 
last couple of years.  The clear majority of perps were like that guy in 
Tucson who shot 18 people including Gabrielle Giffords; or that guy in 
Wisconsin who killed six people at that Sikh temple; or that guy in 
Colorado who shot up that midnight showing of /Batman/; or that 
Norwegian guy who killed 77 people, or, lest we forget, that guy here in 
Manhattan who shot an ex-coworker at the Empire State Building 
<http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/24/justice/new-york-empire-state/index.html>.  The 
list goes on."

"Using science," Mayor Bloomberg added, "we were able to ascertain that 
the shooters had two things in common: they were male and they were pale."

According to noted forensic whitemanologists, recent laboratory tests 
show that the hormone testosterone can undergo a pronounced chemical 
exacerbation in those Caucasoids who possess the XY chromosome and a 
relative dearth of the epidermal pigment melanin.  If exposed to certain 
socioeconomic factors, this condition can produce a carbon-based, 
bilaterally symmetrical, rage-filled, dude-like organism whose desire to 
be King of the Universe comes into direct conflict with his inability to 
get a really good tan at the beach.  His rage festers until the white 
male organism feels that there is no alternative but to buy a sunhat, 
get some guns, go out, and mow people down.

"We were blown away -- nonviolently, of course -- to learn that just 
about every marauding psycho in our study was badass and beige," Mr. 
Bloomberg concluded.  "And there we were, assuming that the danger to 
society was black and brown men.  Was our face red."

"Henceforth, we pledge to use our white supremacy for good," declared 
Commissioner Kelly.  "Also, we figure that if we start racially 
profiling white people, the NAACP and the NY Civil Liberties Union will 
finally stop dissing us."

As the Mayor went on to repeat the entire press conference in his 
inimitable Spanish, Grover Boynton, a high school basketball coach who 
happened to attend the event, expressed concern.

"I sure hope this doesn't mean that white folks will stop seeing African 
American men as threatening," said Mr. Boynton.  "White people who avoid 
sitting next to me on the subway or who step away from me on the street 
are about the only way society lets me know I exist.  Yo, I better go 
buy me another hoodie."

*Wikileaks: Hating Ahmadinejad Promotes Sound Ecology*

Washington, DC -- The rogue news source Wikileaks has released four 
years of confidential emails consisting of some 50,000 interchanges 
between President Barack Obama and representatives of various Western 
governments.  According to the main thread, world leaders -- depressed 
that nine countries already possess about 22,000 nuclear weapons capable 
at any moment of creating global Armageddon -- decided to distract 
themselves and everybody else with inane quandaries over whether Iran is 
about to make a nuclear bomb 
<http://fcnl.org/issues/iran/us_israeli_intelligence_officials_iran_is_not_pursuing_nuclear_weapons/>.

"OMG guys," writes the newly elected President Obama in an email dated 
January 26, 2009, "the American people have suffered so much from this 
economy.  How can I tell them that, given the unstable world situation, 
they should *also* worry about thermonuclear war -- not to mention 
nuclear waste disposal, power plant radiation leaks, climate change, 
global warming, and the death of the Earth as we've known it? :( :( :( "

An as yet unidentified UN ambassador responds: "Just do as our 
/gouvernement/ does when it is tired of defending its anti-Islamic ban 
on face-veils.  We accuse Iran of lying about its uranium enrichment and 
reprocessing activities. /Le /LOL!"

A transcript of the ensuing discussion follows:

    /Prez at whitehouse.gov: But Iran signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation
    Treaty.  Shouldn't we worry more about Pakistan, India, and Israel
    <http://www.policymic.com/articles/3867/u-s-wrongly-demonizes-iran-but-ignores-nuclear-weapons-countries-india-pakistan-and-israel>?
      They never signed."/

    /Bibi at netanyahoo.com: So what?  A barbaric country like Iran cannot
    be permitted to nuke civilized, freedom-loving countries, like us.
      Whereas, a civilized country nuking barbaric dictatorships
    protects our Freedom./

    /Prez at whitehouse.gov: "Like when the U.S. nuked Japan?"/

    /Frenchdude at UN.org: /Allons,/ boys.  Let us displace our fear of
    planetary extinction with the evil of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Getting
    people to fear and hate him like he was Dracula will save the Earth./

    /Prez at whitehouse.gov: Yeah, well, I sure hate Dracula.  vv <-- get
    it?  Fangs??? . . ./

While the State Department expressed outrage at this unprecedented 
revelation of sensitive communiqués, much of the general public, for 
some reason, continues to fear and hate Iran's President, Mahmoud 
Ahmadinejad.

"Thanks to that fascist Iranian vampire, we're way calmer than if our 
news media were headlining nuclear dangers in our own backyard 
<http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/hurricane-sandy-problems-nuke-plants/story?id=17598503#.UJfz-Wl25-5>," 
said Bernie Blackout, vice-president of New Yorkers for Surviving Late 
Capitalism.  "Dangers like those 16 nuclear power plants in the path of 
Hurricane Sandy 
<http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/nuclear-trouble-16-reactors-path-hurricane-sandy>?"

-- 
Freedom Archives 522 Valencia Street San Francisco, CA 94110 415 
863.9977 www.freedomarchives.org
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