[News] The Mad Activist Ponders Marrying for Money
news at freedomarchives.org
Tue Jul 19 13:27:23 EDT 2011
The Mad Activist Ponders Marrying for Money
by Susie Day
Dear Queer Diary --
Should I get married?
I mean, now that the state of New York has passed the gay marriage
bill, should my girlfriend and I get really and miraculously and
Or. Should I, as a queer, reclaim my right to legal ostracism, grab
my lesbo luv-muffin, and take her underground with me to fight the
state that gave us this soul-sucking, boilerplate "privilege" in the
Oh Queer Diary, my inner being has split into two warring
factions. Here they are now:
ME 1: For joy! How amazed and happy I am -- I, a newly sanctified
lesbian, can become, with tears of joy streaming down my
cherub-cheeks, the lawfully wedded wife of a woman who shares my
gender! Together, my fellow-wife and I can grow old, enjoying the
<http://www.religioustolerance.org/mar_bene.htm>1,400 legal rights
and fiscal benefits that this country has long afforded wedded
heterosexuals, until one of us keels over and dies suddenly during a
routine argument about whether to watch the Food Channel or ESPN. Oh
what shall I wear to plight our troth? Does anyone know a good gay
ME 2: You fucking idiot.
ME 1: Pardon? Have we met?
ME 2: Governor Cuomo spent the year
for Medicaid, public schools, and legal services. He forced
and benefit concessions from the state's largest public employee
union, and next year he plans to
public pensions. Can't you see Cuomo shepherded this gay marriage
bill through the legislature because he needed something to make him
look like a liberal?
ME 1: So what? We're legal -- us, whose love now dares speak its
name! The name being, of course, Gay Marriage!
ME 2: That's not a name; that's a brand.
ME 1: A brand I can trust! Like Kleenex and . . . and . . . Electrolux!
ME 2: Which proves that this thing blows and sucks. Read
story in the June 25
York Times: Governor Cuomo, sick of "rampant infighting and
disorganization" in the groups that had been pushing gay marriage for
years, called gay activists together last March, merged them into a
single coalition, hired an outside consultant, and demanded
"meticulous, top-down coordination."
ME 1: Oh no. All that beautiful infighting, destroyed. But don't
you think it was worth it?
ME 2: Cuomo also met with a "group of super-rich Republican donors"
-- one of whom, a billionaire, has a gay son. These donors wrote
six-figure checks to the gay marriage lobby, amounting to over $1,000,000.
ME 1: So the gay movement married for money -- big deal. So the bill
passed because of Cuomo's "relentlessly strategic mind." I read that
story, too, you know. I also read the Times on July 16:
Group Gave Cuomo $60,000 as He Pushed Marriage Bill."
ME 2: I hate you. Why did you let me go on like that?
ME 1: We're the same person, remember? I just wanted to savor one
joyous moment of feeling society's validation and acceptance without
you bringing me down.
ME 2: Now I know where I get my extremely low self-esteem.
ME 1: Well cheer up, because I'm back to my usual feelings of despair
ME 2: Good. Now we can start to bond with the people we're alienated
people, Brown people, sick people, union workers, schoolchildren:
basically, low-income people. This year, none of them got lucky like
ME 1: That's not true. It was very nice of Governor Cuomo to give
major tax breaks to rich people.
ME 2: Fine. You go right ahead picking out your silver pattern,
nimrod, so you won't notice that Cuomo's about to
the ban on hydraulic fracturing that pollutes drinking water by
blasting carcinogenic chemicals into --
ME 1: Hydraulic whaah? You mean fracking? Hey, I feel abused by
your shame-based barrage of politically correct factoids. Why can't
you think of positive ways to resolve our differences? Like holding
consciousness-raising gay wedding ceremonies at scenic upstate fracking sites!
ME 2: I love how you smash our pain into a sarcastic ball of
ME 1: Whimsy helps me shoulder the burden of white middle-class privilege.
ME 2: Was that sarcastic, too?
ME 1: I don't know. I only know I want world peace.
ME 2: I also love it when you don't know. I guess, beneath our
torment and confusion, I feel an undying self-love for you. I
forgive you. Marry me.
ME 1: I can't. We have a girlfriend.
ME 2: OK, let's marry her. Think of the loot -- we'll get toasters
-- microwaves -- contour sheets! Life is good!
ME 1: But you can get those at a commitment ceremony.
ME 2: OK, then let's just have a big party --
ME 1: Yeah! And invite the low-income people! We can all marry each
other! Toasters -- microwaves -- contour sheets for everyone! YAY!
ME 2: Where are we going to get the money for all that?
ME 1: We'll also invite our friend Andrew Cuomo. We'll remind him
we're gay, see? He should be able to figure something out . . .
Susie Day is a writer.
522 Valencia Street
San Francisco, CA 94110
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