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<font size=4><b>The Mad Activist Ponders Marrying for Money<br>
</b></font><font size=3>by Susie Day <br><br>
<a href="http://mrzine.monthlyreview.org/2011/day180711.html" eudora="autourl">
http://mrzine.monthlyreview.org/2011/day180711.html<br><br>
</a>Dear Queer Diary --<br><br>
Should I get married? <br><br>
I mean, now that the state of New York has passed the gay marriage bill,
should my girlfriend and I get really and miraculously and legally
<i>married</i>?<br><br>
Or. Should I, as a queer, reclaim my right to legal ostracism, grab
my lesbo luv-muffin, and take her underground with me to fight the state
that gave us this soul-sucking, boilerplate "privilege" in the
first place?<br><br>
Oh Queer Diary, my inner being has split into two warring factions.
Here they are now:<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: For joy! How amazed and happy I am -- I, a newly
sanctified lesbian, can become, with tears of joy streaming down my
cherub-cheeks, the lawfully wedded wife of a woman who shares my
gender! Together, my fellow-wife and I can grow old, enjoying the
<a href="http://www.religioustolerance.org/mar_bene.htm">1,400 legal
rights and fiscal benefits</a> that this country has long afforded wedded
heterosexuals, until one of us keels over and dies suddenly during a
routine argument about whether to watch the Food Channel or ESPN.
Oh what shall I wear to plight our troth? Does anyone know a good
gay wedding planner?<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: You fucking idiot.<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: Pardon? Have we met?<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Governor Cuomo spent the year
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/02/opinion/02sat1.html">cutting
funds for Medicaid, public schools, and legal services</a>. He
forced
<a href="http://www.statebudgetsolutions.org/publications/detail/cuomo-secures-big-givebacks-in-union-deal">
wage and benefit concessions</a> from the state's largest public employee
union, and next year he plans to
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/14/nyregion/cuomo-says-he-wants-to-tackle-pension-changes-in-2012.html">
curb public pensions</a>. Can't you see Cuomo shepherded this gay
marriage bill through the legislature because he needed something to make
him look like a liberal?<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: So what? We're <i>legal</i> -- us, whose love now
dares speak its name! The name being, of course, Gay
Marriage!<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: That's not a name; that's a brand.<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: A brand I can trust! Like Kleenex and . . . and . . .
Electrolux!<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Which proves that this thing blows <i>and </i>sucks.
Read
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/nyregion/the-road-to-gay-marriage-in-new-york.html">
the story in the June 25
</a>
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/nyregion/the-road-to-gay-marriage-in-new-york.html">
<i>New York Times</a></i>: Governor Cuomo, sick of "rampant
infighting and disorganization" in the groups that had been pushing
gay marriage for years, called gay activists together last March, merged
them into a single coalition, hired an outside consultant, and demanded
"meticulous, top-down coordination."<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: Oh no. All that beautiful infighting, destroyed.
But don't you think it was worth it?<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Cuomo also met with a "group of super-rich Republican
donors" -- one of whom, a billionaire, has a gay son. These
donors wrote six-figure checks to the gay marriage lobby, amounting to
over $1,000,000.<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: So the gay movement married for money -- big deal. So
the bill passed because of Cuomo's "relentlessly strategic
mind." I read that story, too, you know. I also read the
<i>Times</i> on July 16:
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/16/nyregion/gay-rights-group-donated-60000-to-cuomo-campaign.html">
"Gay-Rights Group Gave Cuomo $60,000 as He Pushed Marriage
Bill."</a><br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: I hate you. Why did you let me go on like
that?<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: We're the same person, remember? I just wanted to
savor one joyous moment of feeling society's validation and acceptance
without you bringing me down.<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Now I know where I get my extremely low
self-esteem.<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: Well cheer up, because I'm back to my usual feelings of
despair and alienation.<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Good. Now we can start to bond with the people we're
alienated from. Like
<a href="http://www.blackagendareport.com/content/freedom-rider-gay-not-new-black">
Black people</a>, Brown people, sick people, union workers,
schoolchildren: basically, low-income people. This year, none of
them got lucky like gay people.<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: That's not true. It was very nice of Governor Cuomo to
give major tax breaks to rich people.<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Fine. You go right ahead picking out your silver
pattern, nimrod, so you won't notice that Cuomo's about to
<a href="http://www.wnyc.org/articles/wnyc-news/2011/jun/30/cuomo-administration-outlines-plan-regulate-fracking/">
lift the ban on hydraulic fracturing</a> that pollutes drinking water by
blasting carcinogenic chemicals into --<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: Hydraulic whaah? You mean fracking? Hey, I feel
abused by your shame-based barrage of politically correct factoids.
Why can't you think of <i>positive</i> ways to resolve our
differences? Like holding consciousness-raising gay wedding
ceremonies at scenic upstate fracking sites!<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: I love how you smash our pain into a sarcastic ball of
self-involved retort.<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: Whimsy helps me shoulder the burden of white middle-class
privilege.<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Was that sarcastic, too?<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: I don't know. I only know I want world peace.<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: I also love it when you don't know. I guess, beneath
our torment and confusion, I feel an undying self-love for you. I
forgive you. Marry me.<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: I can't. We have a girlfriend.<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: OK, let's marry her. Think of the loot -- we'll get
toasters -- microwaves -- contour sheets! Life is good!<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: But you can get those at a commitment ceremony.<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: OK, then let's just have a big party --<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: Yeah! And invite the low-income people! We can
all marry each other! Toasters -- microwaves -- contour sheets for
everyone! YAY!<br><br>
<b>ME 2</b>: Where are we going to get the money for all that?<br><br>
<b>ME 1</b>: We'll also invite our friend Andrew Cuomo. We'll
remind him we're gay, see? He should be able to figure something
out . . .<br>
<hr>
Susie Day is a writer. <br><br>
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