[News] The Mad Activist Ponders Marrying for Money

Anti-Imperialist News news at freedomarchives.org
Mon Aug 1 09:58:53 EDT 2011

Dear gang -
i wrote this a couple of weeks ago.  As you can 
see, it's had an enormous impact in persuading 
the gay community to reprioritize -- which, my 
spellcheck tells me, is not a word -- though why 
i should believe any feature that accepts 
'spellcheck' as a word is anybody's guess.
so there you are - susie


Dear Queer Diary –

             Should I get married?

I mean, now that the state of New York has passed 
the gay marriage bill, should my girlfriend and I 
get really and miraculously and legally married?

Or. Should I, as a queer, reclaim my right to 
legal ostracism, grab my lesbo luv-muffin, and 
take her underground with me to fight the state 
that gave us this soul-sucking, boilerplate “privilege” in the first place?

Oh Queer Diary, my inner being has split into two 
warring factions. Here they are now:

ME 1:            For joy! How amazed and happy I 
am – I, a newly sanctified lesbian, can become, 
with tears of joy streaming down my 
cherub-cheeks, the lawfully wedded wife of a 
woman who shares my gender! Together, my 
fellow-wife and I can grow old, enjoying the 
1,400 legal rights and fiscal benefits that this 
country has long afforded wedded heterosexuals, 
until one of us keels over and dies suddenly 
during a routine argument about whether to watch 
the Food Channel or ESPN. Oh what shall I wear to 
plight our troth? Does anyone know a good gay wedding planner?

ME 2:            You fucking idiot.

ME 1:            Pardon? Have we met?

ME 2:            Governor Cuomo spent the year 
cutting funds for Medicaid, public schools, and 
legal services. He forced wage and benefit 
concessions from the state’s largest public 
employee union, and next year he plans to curb 
public pensions. Can’t you see Cuomo shepherded 
this gay marriage bill through the legislature 
because he needed something to make him look like a liberal?

ME 1:            So what? We’re legal – us, whose 
love now dares speak its name! The name being, of course, Gay Marriage!

ME 2:            That’s not a name; that’s a brand.

ME 1:            A brand I can trust! Like Kleenex and 

ME 2:            Which proves that this thing 
blows and sucks. Read the story in the June 25 
New York Times: Governor Cuomo, sick of “rampant 
infighting and disorganization” in the groups 
that had been pushing gay marriage for years, 
called gay activists together last March, merged 
them into a single coalition, hired an outside 
consultant, and demanded “meticulous, top-down coordination.”

ME 1:            Oh no. All that beautiful 
infighting, destroyed. But don’t you think it was worth it?

ME 2:            Cuomo also met with a “group of 
super-rich Republican donors” – one of whom, a 
billionaire, has a gay son. These donors wrote 
six-figure checks to the gay marriage lobby, amounting to over $1,000,000.

ME 1:            So the gay movement married for 
money – big deal. So the bill passed because of 
Cuomo’s “relentlessly strategic mind.” I read 
that story, too, you know. I also read the Times 
on July 16: “Gay-Rights Group Gave Cuomo $60,000 as He Pushed Marriage Bill.”

ME 2:            I hate you. Why did you let me go on like that?

ME 1:            We’re the same person, remember? 
I just wanted to savor one joyous moment of 
feeling society’s validation and acceptance without you bringing me down.

ME 2:            Now I know where I get my extremely low self-esteem.

ME 1:            Well cheer up, because I’m back 
to my usual feelings of despair and alienation.

ME 2:            Good. Now we can start to bond 
with the people we’re alienated from. Like Black 
people, Brown people, sick people, union workers, 
schoolchildren: basically, low-income people. 
This year, none of them got lucky like gay people.

ME 1:            That’s not true. It was very 
nice of Governor Cuomo to give major tax breaks to rich people.

ME 2:            Fine. You go right ahead picking 
out your silver pattern, nimrod, so you won’t 
notice that Cuomo’s about to lift the ban on 
hydraulic fracturing that pollutes drinking water 
by blasting carcinogenic chemicals into –

ME 1:            Hydraulic whaah? You mean 
fracking? Hey, I feel abused by your shame-based 
barrage of politically correct factoids. Why 
can’t you think of positive ways to resolve our 
differences? Like holding consciousness-raising 
gay wedding ceremonies at scenic upstate fracking sites!

ME 2:            I love how you smash our pain 
into a sarcastic ball of self-involved retort.

ME 1:            Whimsy helps me shoulder the 
burden of white middle class privilege.

ME 2:            Was that sarcastic, too?

ME 1:            I don’t know. I only know I want world peace.

ME 2:             I also love it when you don’t 
know. I guess, beneath our torment and confusion, 
I feel an undying self-love for you. I forgive you. Marry me.

ME 1:            I can’t. We have a girlfriend.

ME 2:            OK, let’s marry her. Think of 
the loot – we’ll get toasters – microwaves – contour sheets! Life is good!

ME 1:            But you can get those at a commitment ceremony.

ME 2:            OK, then let’s just have a big party –

ME 1:            Yeah! And invite the low-income 
people! We can all marry each other! Toasters – 
microwaves – contour sheets for everyone! YAY!

ME 2:            Where are we going to get the money for all that?

ME 1:            We’ll also invite our friend 
Andrew Cuomo. We’ll remind him we’re gay, see? He 
should be able to figure something out

Susie Day, 2011


Legal rights of U.S. marriage:


Cuomo budget:



Cuomo pension cuts:


NY Times, 6-25-11: “Behind N.Y. Gay Marriage, an Unlikely Mix of Forces”:


NY Times, 7-16-11: “Gay-Rights Group Gave Cuomo 
$60,000 as He Pushed Marriage Bill, Records Show”:


Cuomo, fracking:







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