[News] Obama and the new Gay Civility

[Anti-Imperialist News]

From: susie day <suzetski at gmail.com>
Subject: OBAMA AND THE NEW GAY CIVILITY

OBAMA AND THE NEW GAY CIVILITY

      Recently gay rights groups became seriously 
miffed when our new President's own Justice 
Department released a legal brief upholding the 
Defense of Marriage Act by likening same-sex 
marriage to pedophilia and incest. "What about our civil rights?" we huffed.

      This is a President, after all, whose life 
was profoundly shaped and guided by the civil 
rights movement. He once wrote, as he began his 
political ascent, that he "favor[ed] same sex 
marriages, and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages."

      So we bought the "Hope" and "Change" 
presidential campaign, crafted, as it was, by 
nostalgic movers and shakers to subliminally 
evoke the civil rights movement. Gay rights 
groups and their liberal allies invested 
millions. And, just after the election, we were 
rewarded by a vast sense of power and uplift – 
sort of like being swept skyward in a 
magnificent, cosmic collision between Martin Luther King and the Nike Swoosh.

      It is thanks to our newly acquired state of 
stupefied achievement that most gay people have 
not behaved rudely in the wake of presidential 
slights like the DOMA brief. Left with a gnawing 
sense of abandonment, we comfort ourselves with 
thoughts of Michelle Obama's arms, and leave the 
expression of "outrage" to professional gay 
activists. We refrain from "sit-ins," 
"picketing," or "protests." Such behavior, you 
see, is an embarrassing reminder of ridiculous, 
bygone endeavors, such as the 
 uh 
 civil rights movement.

      Now that times have changed, what we need 
is a Code of Conduct to reflect our political maturity. To wit:

      DON'T: throw gin bottles at the TV and 
scream, "WHY CAN'T I FILE A JOINT TAX RETURN?" 
while viewing our President's speeches. Apart 
from annoying married heterosexuals in the room, 
this is totally passé, and interferes with our 
President's First Amendment right donate your 
individual tax dollars to Goldman Sachs.

      DO: dress in clothes that tastefully 
conform to the sex role accorded you at birth. 
This means, ladies: no jockstraps; gents: no 
hoopskirts. Red ribbon and rainbow flag pins 
should be neatly pinned to lapels, not through 
nipples. When in doubt as to your costume, 
consult your local genitalia. Persons of the gyno 
persuasion should wear a slimming dress or smart, 
"Rachel Maddow" slacks, while those of the 
you-know-what persuasion should don a dark suit 
with pants reaching well below the knee. Telling 
the world you want to marry someone of the same 
sex is one thing, but you'll look like a REAL 
pervert if the world can't tell which sex that is.

      DON'T: tease the radical "queers." These 
people enjoy making themselves unhappy and want 
to pull you into their negative vortex with their 
silly marching and chanting. Remember how they 
followed President Reagan around in the 1980s, 
chanting, 
"Racist-Sexist-Anti-Gay-Ronald-Reagan-Go-Away"? 
For pity's sake, if they really wanted Reagan to 
"Go Away," they wouldn't have gone to a place 
where they knew he would be, would they? Given 
their illogic and volatility, it is best not to 
point and laugh while they protest, as their 
little faces get red and they have seizures and 
pass out, then are carried off by cops, who do 
god knows what with them, thus hastening their 
inevitable, dinosaur-like extinction. On second 
thought: go ahead and tease them.

      NEVER: question our President about issues 
that are not specifically gay-related. After all, 
what do you know about U.S. foreign policy? Maybe 
Afghanistan likes being bombed! Remember, if it's 
not your problem, it doesn't really exist. Vive our difference!

      DO: jump to your feet and cheer like a Hun 
witnessing a human sacrifice when our President 
begins a speech with rote chumminess like, 
"Michelle and I 
" In fact, cheer after anything 
our President says that is not blatantly against 
gay rights. Nothing impresses a president like 
adoration, which will remind him not to send us 
to camps and legally hold us under "prolonged 
detention." (Note to movement: send President wee 
note, thanking him for not holding us under prolonged detention.)

      DON'T: perform the gaucherie of attempting 
to start a third political party. This is the 
height of ingratitude, and has been done to 
death. Homosexuals have the potential to be just 
as sleazy and compromising as any heterosexual in 
the Democratic Party – let's use it! Besides, 
insiders say the DOMA brief isn't as bad as it 
could have been, and other insiders who are close 
to anonymous sources assure us the President has our best interests at heart.

      DO: go online! A life devoted to email and 
blogging makes you feel you're changing the 
world, when in reality, your existence becomes 
more solitary and interiorized than ever! It's 
fun to have a gay website – you may get thousands 
of "hits" – but you'll never get beaten up! LOL! 
And, IMO, with no meetings to go to, pesky human 
interaction can be cut to a minimum.  :)

      DON'T: stop taking pride in your identity! 
Now that gay rights are indefinitely postponed, 
maybe you can work on "coming out" as a mammal.

      DO: forgive our President for breaking 
promises and spurning us and our friends. After 
all, politics is politics, and he does what he 
does in order to survive. And so do we, honey. So do we.

      :P  :P  :P



                                    ©  Susie Day, 2009



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415 863-9977

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