[News] Obama and the new Gay Civility
Anti-Imperialist News
news at freedomarchives.org
Wed Jul 22 10:42:06 EDT 2009
From: susie day <suzetski at gmail.com>
Subject: OBAMA AND THE NEW GAY CIVILITY
OBAMA AND THE NEW GAY CIVILITY
Recently gay rights groups became seriously
miffed when our new President's own Justice
Department released a legal brief upholding the
Defense of Marriage Act by likening same-sex
marriage to pedophilia and incest. "What about our civil rights?" we huffed.
This is a President, after all, whose life
was profoundly shaped and guided by the civil
rights movement. He once wrote, as he began his
political ascent, that he "favor[ed] same sex
marriages, and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages."
So we bought the "Hope" and "Change"
presidential campaign, crafted, as it was, by
nostalgic movers and shakers to subliminally
evoke the civil rights movement. Gay rights
groups and their liberal allies invested
millions. And, just after the election, we were
rewarded by a vast sense of power and uplift
sort of like being swept skyward in a
magnificent, cosmic collision between Martin Luther King and the Nike Swoosh.
It is thanks to our newly acquired state of
stupefied achievement that most gay people have
not behaved rudely in the wake of presidential
slights like the DOMA brief. Left with a gnawing
sense of abandonment, we comfort ourselves with
thoughts of Michelle Obama's arms, and leave the
expression of "outrage" to professional gay
activists. We refrain from "sit-ins,"
"picketing," or "protests." Such behavior, you
see, is an embarrassing reminder of ridiculous,
bygone endeavors, such as the
uh
civil rights movement.
Now that times have changed, what we need
is a Code of Conduct to reflect our political maturity. To wit:
DON'T: throw gin bottles at the TV and
scream, "WHY CAN'T I FILE A JOINT TAX RETURN?"
while viewing our President's speeches. Apart
from annoying married heterosexuals in the room,
this is totally passé, and interferes with our
President's First Amendment right donate your
individual tax dollars to Goldman Sachs.
DO: dress in clothes that tastefully
conform to the sex role accorded you at birth.
This means, ladies: no jockstraps; gents: no
hoopskirts. Red ribbon and rainbow flag pins
should be neatly pinned to lapels, not through
nipples. When in doubt as to your costume,
consult your local genitalia. Persons of the gyno
persuasion should wear a slimming dress or smart,
"Rachel Maddow" slacks, while those of the
you-know-what persuasion should don a dark suit
with pants reaching well below the knee. Telling
the world you want to marry someone of the same
sex is one thing, but you'll look like a REAL
pervert if the world can't tell which sex that is.
DON'T: tease the radical "queers." These
people enjoy making themselves unhappy and want
to pull you into their negative vortex with their
silly marching and chanting. Remember how they
followed President Reagan around in the 1980s,
chanting,
"Racist-Sexist-Anti-Gay-Ronald-Reagan-Go-Away"?
For pity's sake, if they really wanted Reagan to
"Go Away," they wouldn't have gone to a place
where they knew he would be, would they? Given
their illogic and volatility, it is best not to
point and laugh while they protest, as their
little faces get red and they have seizures and
pass out, then are carried off by cops, who do
god knows what with them, thus hastening their
inevitable, dinosaur-like extinction. On second
thought: go ahead and tease them.
NEVER: question our President about issues
that are not specifically gay-related. After all,
what do you know about U.S. foreign policy? Maybe
Afghanistan likes being bombed! Remember, if it's
not your problem, it doesn't really exist. Vive our difference!
DO: jump to your feet and cheer like a Hun
witnessing a human sacrifice when our President
begins a speech with rote chumminess like,
"Michelle and I
" In fact, cheer after anything
our President says that is not blatantly against
gay rights. Nothing impresses a president like
adoration, which will remind him not to send us
to camps and legally hold us under "prolonged
detention." (Note to movement: send President wee
note, thanking him for not holding us under prolonged detention.)
DON'T: perform the gaucherie of attempting
to start a third political party. This is the
height of ingratitude, and has been done to
death. Homosexuals have the potential to be just
as sleazy and compromising as any heterosexual in
the Democratic Party let's use it! Besides,
insiders say the DOMA brief isn't as bad as it
could have been, and other insiders who are close
to anonymous sources assure us the President has our best interests at heart.
DO: go online! A life devoted to email and
blogging makes you feel you're changing the
world, when in reality, your existence becomes
more solitary and interiorized than ever! It's
fun to have a gay website you may get thousands
of "hits" but you'll never get beaten up! LOL!
And, IMO, with no meetings to go to, pesky human
interaction can be cut to a minimum. :)
DON'T: stop taking pride in your identity!
Now that gay rights are indefinitely postponed,
maybe you can work on "coming out" as a mammal.
DO: forgive our President for breaking
promises and spurning us and our friends. After
all, politics is politics, and he does what he
does in order to survive. And so do we, honey. So do we.
:P :P :P
© Susie Day, 2009
Freedom Archives
522 Valencia Street
San Francisco, CA 94110
415 863-9977
www.Freedomarchives.org
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