[News] Jesse Helms and the Theatre of the Depraved

[Anti-Imperialist News]

http://www.counterpunch.org/day07232008.html

July 23, 2008

Senator Sicko


Jesse Helms and the Theatre of the Depraved

By SUSIE DAY

On July 8, the resplendently Caucasian, 
flag-loving, fag-hating, five-term Senator Jesse 
Helms exited the political scene, stage right, to 
begin his long-awaited dirt nap. All the world 
being a stage, a host of players, including Dick 
Cheney and John and Cindy McCain, assembled 
sorrowfully near the starred-and-striped coffin 
containing the body of the hidebound conservative 
who never changed, never apologized. Seeming to 
take his cue from absurdist theater, Senate 
Minority Leader Mitch McConnell eulogized Jesse 
Helms as one of the "kindest" men in Congress. No 
matter who you were, intoned McConnell, "he 
always had a kind word and a gentle smile."

Strangely, there was nothing in McConnell's 
script about the time Jesse Helms, in an elevator 
with fellow senators – including Carole 
Moseley-Braun just after she'd spoken in the 
Senate, denouncing slavery and the Confederate 
flag – turned to his friend Orin Hatch and said, 
"I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries." Or 
the times he called civil rights activists 
"Communists and sex perverts," and accused 
"Negroes and whites" on a march from Selma to 
Montgomery of participating in "sex orgies of the 
rawest sort." Or when he described gay men and 
lesbians as "weak, morally sick wretches" who 
engage in "offensive and revolting conduct."

Then there is Jesse's deeply kind Senate record. 
FOR: tobacco companies. AGAINST: the Civil Rights 
Act; school desegregation; affirmative action; 
sanctions against Apartheid South Africa; 
commemorating the birthday of Martin Luther King; 
HIV-positive people entering the country; funding 
for "indecent" art; funding for AIDS research


Verily, Jesse Helms's brand of kindness makes 
Jesus look like a commie fag. That is why we – 
the Theater of Morally Sick Negro and White 
Wretched Communist Perverts – wish to salute 
Jesse Helms in a powerful piece of 
government-funded, rightwing performance art! 
Since most of us can't remember our lines, we've 
decided to rip off Marcel Marceau's loveable 
little character, "Bip," and present this play in pantomime. Observe.

Act I

A lonely horizon in liberal America. Bleak. 
Desolate. Depraved. Enter Bleep, the sad, 
heterosexual mime. A teardrop glistens on Bleep's 
whitened face; the ends of Bleep's mouth dip 
downward; even the stripes on Bleep's little 
shirt droop dejectedly. Bleep suffers because the 
world is full of MORALLY SICK NEGRO AND WHITE 
WRETCHED COMMUNIST PERVERTS. (Since this is one 
of those cutting-edge, didactic opuses, 
disgusting slides of lunch-counter sit-ins, 
ACT-UP demonstrations, women's peace groups, 
Nelson Mandela walking out of prison, etc., are 
flashed onto a scrim, so we can see what the real problem is.)

Bleep dejectedly whistles "Dixie" as he mimes 
packing his wee lunch, picking up his briefcase, 
and setting off for work. Pressing a make-believe 
button, he steps unsuspectingly into an invisible 
elevator. Suddenly, horrible rap music blares, as 
Satan – played by Carol Moseley-Braun – enters 
and pantomimes slapping Bleep silly. She tries to 
strangle Bleep with a kente cloth, then dances 
luridly away, inadvertently dropping her handbag.

Alone in the elevator, Bleep kneels in prayer. He 
vows to lead a more decent life and fight MORALLY 
SICK NEGRO AND WHITE WRETCHED COMMUNIST PERVERTS. 
Then, from Above, a spotlight falls and caves in 
Bleep's head. We laugh until our sides ache, in 
keeping with government standards of decency.

Act II

Bleep, now wearing a neck brace and a cross, is 
ready to fight the good fight! He picks up 
Satan's handbag and begins walking with it 
through a park, toward FBI headquarters, where he 
plans to become an agent. As Bleep walks, he tips 
his hat in a wholesome way to unseen nannies 
pushing strollers. He pauses to pet imaginary 
kitties and sniff phantom daisies. Naturally, you 
can tell exactly what is happening because Mime is the universal language!

Suddenly from nowhere, a gang of MORALLY SICK 
NEGRO AND WHITE WRETCHED COMMUNIST PERVERTS sees 
Bleep's purse and decides he is "coming on" to 
them. Overcome with sexual lust they cannot 
control, due to their inferior genomes, they pile 
on top of Bleep and participate in a sex orgy of the rawest sort!

Boxer shorts, bras, condoms fly tragically across 
a maroon-tinted backdrop. A witch cackles. 
Somebody gets an abortion. A couple of extras, 
dressed as the HIV virus, recite marriage vows. 
But because only criminals have rights in this 
society, Bleep is the one who ends up in the police station.

Act the Third

A farmhouse. Bleak. Desolate. Foreclosed. Because 
of his whiteface privilege, the cops have 
released Bleep with a warning. Enter Bleep, 
distraught and bitter. Big Government has failed 
him. Bleep has decided to "Kill them all and let 
God sort them out." As he waits for his sheets to 
come out of the dryer, Bleep smears his body with 
Semtex and sprinkles dynamite on the floor. Then 
he rolls around in an arty, yet Pro-Life, fashion.

A knock at the door. Pete Seeger has just wrecked 
his boat, the Clearwater, about a mile 
downstream. Will Bleep let him use the phone so 
Pete can continue to clean up the Hudson? Covered 
in explosives, Bleep seethes with rage at this 
final communist insult. Opting to become the 
first ever rightwing Christian suicide bomber, 
Bleep hurls his little body at the interloper, 
blowing up the entire theater and everyone in it.

Which only goes to show how evil MORALLY SICK 
NEGRO AND WHITE WRETCHED COMMUNIST PERVERTS really are.

The End. Maybe.



©  Susie Day, 2008




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