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<a href="http://www.counterpunch.org/day07232008.html" eudora="autourl">
http://www.counterpunch.org/day07232008.html<br><br>
</a></font><font face="Verdana" size=2>July 23, 2008<br><br>
</font><font face="Times New Roman, Times" size=4><b><i>Senator Sicko
<br><br>
</i></font><h1><font face="Times New Roman, Times" size=5 color="#990000">
<b>Jesse Helms and the Theatre of the Depraved
</b></font></h1><font face="Times New Roman, Times" size=4>By SUSIE DAY
<br><br>
</font><font face="Verdana" size=6 color="#990000">O</font>
<font face="Verdana" size=2>n July 8, the resplendently Caucasian,
flag-loving, fag-hating, five-term Senator Jesse Helms exited the
political scene, stage right, to begin his long-awaited dirt nap. All the
world being a stage, a host of players, including Dick Cheney and John
and Cindy McCain, assembled sorrowfully near the starred-and-striped
coffin containing the body of the hidebound conservative who never
changed, never apologized. Seeming to take his cue from absurdist
theater, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell eulogized Jesse Helms as
one of the "kindest" men in Congress. No matter who you were,
intoned McConnell, "he always had a kind word and a gentle
smile."<br><br>
Strangely, there was nothing in McConnell's script about the time Jesse
Helms, in an elevator with fellow senators – including Carole
Moseley-Braun just after she'd spoken in the Senate, denouncing slavery
and the Confederate flag – turned to his friend Orin Hatch and said,
"I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries." Or the times he
called civil rights activists "Communists and sex perverts,"
and accused "Negroes and whites" on a march from Selma to
Montgomery of participating in "sex orgies of the rawest sort."
Or when he described gay men and lesbians as "weak, morally sick
wretches" who engage in "offensive and revolting
conduct."<br><br>
Then there is Jesse's deeply kind Senate record. FOR: tobacco companies.
AGAINST: the Civil Rights Act; school desegregation; affirmative action;
sanctions against Apartheid South Africa; commemorating the birthday of
Martin Luther King; HIV-positive people entering the country; funding for
"indecent" art; funding for AIDS research… <br><br>
Verily, Jesse Helms's brand of kindness makes Jesus look like a commie
fag. That is why we – the Theater of Morally Sick Negro and White
Wretched Communist Perverts – wish to salute Jesse Helms in a powerful
piece of government-funded, rightwing performance art! Since most of us
can't remember our lines, we've decided to rip off Marcel Marceau's
loveable little character, "Bip," and present this play in
pantomime. Observe.<br><br>
Act I<br><br>
A lonely horizon in liberal America. Bleak. Desolate. Depraved. Enter
Bleep, the sad, heterosexual mime. A teardrop glistens on Bleep's
whitened face; the ends of Bleep's mouth dip downward; even the stripes
on Bleep's little shirt droop dejectedly. Bleep suffers because the world
is full of MORALLY SICK NEGRO AND WHITE WRETCHED COMMUNIST PERVERTS.
(Since this is one of those cutting-edge, didactic opuses, disgusting
slides of lunch-counter sit-ins, ACT-UP demonstrations, women's peace
groups, Nelson Mandela walking out of prison, etc., are flashed onto a
scrim, so we can see what the real problem is.)<br><br>
Bleep dejectedly whistles "Dixie" as he mimes packing his wee
lunch, picking up his briefcase, and setting off for work. Pressing a
make-believe button, he steps unsuspectingly into an invisible elevator.
Suddenly, horrible rap music blares, as Satan – played by Carol
Moseley-Braun – enters and pantomimes slapping Bleep silly. She tries to
strangle Bleep with a kente cloth, then dances luridly away,
inadvertently dropping her handbag. <br><br>
Alone in the elevator, Bleep kneels in prayer. He vows to lead a more
decent life and fight MORALLY SICK NEGRO AND WHITE WRETCHED COMMUNIST
PERVERTS. Then, from Above, a spotlight falls and caves in Bleep's head.
We laugh until our sides ache, in keeping with government standards of
decency.<br><br>
Act II<br><br>
Bleep, now wearing a neck brace and a cross, is ready to fight the good
fight! He picks up Satan's handbag and begins walking with it through a
park, toward FBI headquarters, where he plans to become an agent. As
Bleep walks, he tips his hat in a wholesome way to unseen nannies pushing
strollers. He pauses to pet imaginary kitties and sniff phantom daisies.
Naturally, you can tell exactly what is happening because Mime is the
universal language!<br><br>
Suddenly from nowhere, a gang of MORALLY SICK NEGRO AND WHITE WRETCHED
COMMUNIST PERVERTS sees Bleep's purse and decides he is "coming
on" to them. Overcome with sexual lust they cannot control, due to
their inferior genomes, they pile on top of Bleep and participate in a
sex orgy of the rawest sort! <br><br>
Boxer shorts, bras, condoms fly tragically across a maroon-tinted
backdrop. A witch cackles. Somebody gets an abortion. A couple of extras,
dressed as the HIV virus, recite marriage vows. But because only
criminals have rights in this society, Bleep is the one who ends up in
the police station. <br><br>
Act the Third<br><br>
A farmhouse. Bleak. Desolate. Foreclosed. Because of his whiteface
privilege, the cops have released Bleep with a warning. Enter Bleep,
distraught and bitter. Big Government has failed him. Bleep has decided
to "Kill them all and let God sort them out." As he waits for
his sheets to come out of the dryer, Bleep smears his body with Semtex
and sprinkles dynamite on the floor. Then he rolls around in an arty, yet
Pro-Life, fashion.<br><br>
A knock at the door. Pete Seeger has just wrecked his boat, the
Clearwater, about a mile downstream. Will Bleep let him use the phone so
Pete can continue to clean up the Hudson? Covered in explosives, Bleep
seethes with rage at this final communist insult. Opting to become the
first ever rightwing Christian suicide bomber, Bleep hurls his little
body at the interloper, blowing up the entire theater and everyone in it.
<br><br>
Which only goes to show how evil MORALLY SICK NEGRO AND WHITE WRETCHED
COMMUNIST PERVERTS really are.<br><br>
The End. Maybe.<br><br>
</font><font size=3> <br><br>
</font><font face="Verdana" size=2>© Susie Day, 2008<br><br>
<br><br>
</font><x-sigsep><p></x-sigsep>
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