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<b><span style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">HOW TO
AVOID BEING LABELED AN ENEMY COMBATANT<br>
by Susie day<br>
<o:p></o:p></span></b>
<div>
<p class="snidelinesbasic"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma;">Remember when
President Obama promised to close the Guantánamo detention camp?
Remember when he didn’t? Years later, we grow old and decrepit, and
there remain some 166 detainees at Guantánamo in much worse shape. One
hundred of these men have not been charged with a crime, and all of
them will probably remain at Gitmo without trial.</span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">This is largely
because Congress passed the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA)
of 2012, which not only prevents transfer of prisoners out of
Guantánamo; it also specifies that anyone, including U.S. citizens, can
be indefinitely detained anywhere without trial.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">In case you
thought the year was starting out too pleasantly, Congress recently
passed the NDAA again for 2013, in pretty much the same version, and
President Obama signed it. Given that Guantánamo won’t close for years
now, and that many law-abiding people stand a greater than ever chance
of being labeled “enemy combatants,” it becomes necessary to forgo
lofty “human rights” ideals and make altruism work for </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">us</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">. Here, then, are
some tips on proving to the feds that you are not the enemy:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span
 style="font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC; font-size: 16px;">✌</span><span> </span><span
 style="font-family: GillSans;">BECOME A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Hollywood celebrities
rarely, if ever, spend years in Guantánamo without charges, surrounded
by barbed wire and vicious dogs. Their movies may bomb, but they never
do, thanks to the virulent Red Scares that purged the motion picture
industry of all terrorists, with the possible exception of Mel Gibson.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">When you become a famous movie star, you
will receive: a dazzling smile, affordable health insurance, and a
rock-hard sense of self-esteem that comes from millions of greedy,
free-market consumers knowing who you are. Push comes to shove and you
are sent to a detention camp, guards will treat you better. “Hey, isn’t
that Angelina Jolie on that gurney? I loved her in </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">Girl, Interrupted</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">. Maybe I’ll let her call her attorney.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span class="Apple-style-span"
 style="font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC; font-size: 16px;">✌</span><span
 style="font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC;"> </span><span
 style="font-family: GillSansMT;">EMIT NOXIOUS FUMES<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">No one will ever
accuse you of Islamofascism as you proudly stand in solidarity with our
great multinational corporations and spew harmful chemical,
radioactive, and industrial waste into our ecosystem. By polluting
rivers, the air, and low-income neighborhoods, you’ll garner lots of
government perks, too, including military contracts and tax-breaks you
could only dream of as an ordinary, “stop-global-warming” citizen. Best
of all, your carcinogenic emissions will increase chances that, among
the thousands of people who die each year from environmentally caused
cancer, one or two will be terrorists</span><span>.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span class="Apple-style-span"
 style="font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC; font-size: 16px;">✌</span><span
 style="font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC;"> </span><span
 style="font-family: GillSans;">SCAPEGOAT SECULAR HUMANISTS<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;">Stuck-up, egghead
Secular Humanists like Chris Hayes and Katrina vanden Heuvel say that
Islamic extremists are not the real problem. They’re right! The real
problem is stuck-up, egghead Secular Humanists!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">Secular Humanists have caused every major
disaster for the last 5,000 years – and it’s our duty to stop them
before they TAKE OVER THE WORLD!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">FACT</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">: These
intellectual malcontents have turned from God and home-schooling to the
golden calf of “Humanities”! <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">FACT</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">: Since the Crusades, Secular Humanists
have stood at the center of a vast, satanic plot to STOP God-ordained
conquest and unite humankind through Logic, Science, and Enlightenment!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">FACT</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">: Much of our U.S. Constitution was
written by these depraved, happiness-pursuing, library-card-holding
“Enlightenati”! Would you want one of these “created equal” degenerates
to marry your sister?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">Labeling these people terrorists and
getting them sent to Guantánamo will guarantee that </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">you </span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">will never be sent there. Let’s show the
world that the only way to prevent another Third Reich is with another
Inquisition.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span class="Apple-style-span"
 style="font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC; font-size: 16px;">✌</span><span
 style="font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC; letter-spacing: -0.45pt;"> </span><span
 style="font-family: GillSansMT; letter-spacing: -0.4pt;">DEVELOP
AGORAPHOBIC CATATONIA<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"
 align="left"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">“</span><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">All that is
necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” A wise
man said that in the 18th Century – a wise, </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">stupid</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> man. This man
never looked ahead to the 21st Century, to see that doing nothing would
become the apogee of cutting-edge activism!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">Remember the Afghanistan invasion? The
Iraq invasion? All those meetings and lectures you went to, where you
became “informed” and had “doubts” about WMD and Al Qaeda connections?
All that peace marching – once, with 10,000,000 people all over the
world, so the destruction of millennia-old cultures and the slaughter
of innocents wouldn’t happen? It happened anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">It happened because </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">you</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;"> left the house.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">To prevent further mayhem, it is
necessary to effect social change at home, by nonviolently reading your
email. Uh-oh: look at all those listserves on torture and drone attacks
and indefinite detention. They force you to devise a new activist
strategy: You must play Minesweeper and Angry Birds for the next four
hours.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">Now, for direct action! Using
psychological skills honed at your computer, it is time to emotionally,
intellectually, and spiritually “shut down.” This allows you to do
radical civil disobedience while lying on your couch. As you remain in
staunch protest, let global crises simply wash over you.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">While they are
washing, turn on the TV. Look, there’s a </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">Law and Order </span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">rerun. Regard the
state-of-the-art world of </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">us </span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">vs. </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">them</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">;</span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> </span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">good vs. evil.
Isn’t it comforting to see that cop punch in that wino’s face? Weird,
how Puerto Rican </span><i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;">independentistas</span></i><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: -0.1pt;"> and Occupy
activists are portrayed as unstable and dangerous.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 style="font-family: Tahoma;">No matter. All good. Now, try to picture
some Gitmo interrogator water-boarding Sam Waterston. You can’t.</span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma;">At last: you
have effected social change.</span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;"><br>
</span></p>
<p class="snidelinesbasic" style="text-align: left;" align="left"><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">References:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"
 style="font-family: Courier;">Update on 166 prisoners at Guantánamo:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a
 moz-do-not-send="true" href="http://projects.nytimes.com/guantanamo">http://projects.nytimes.com/guantanamo</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Facts &
Figures for Guantánamo Detainees:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a
 moz-do-not-send="true"
 href="http://www.hrw.org/features/guantanamo-facts-figures">http://www.hrw.org/features/guantanamo-facts-figures</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">NDAA 2013
passes House, Senate:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a
 moz-do-not-send="true"
 href="http://fcw.com/articles/2012/12/21/ndaa-passes-house-senate.aspx">http://fcw.com/articles/2012/12/21/ndaa-passes-house-senate.aspx</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Lingering
indefinite military detention provisions in 2013:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a
 moz-do-not-send="true"
 href="http://www.tnr.com/blog/plank/111357/the-war-terror-has-different-name-the-legal-justification-remain-the-same">http://www.tnr.com/blog/plank/111357/the-war-terror-has-different-name-the-legal-justification-remain-the-same</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">Text of NDAA
2013:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a
 moz-do-not-send="true"
 href="http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/112/hr4310/text">http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/112/hr4310/text</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">General
conflict over Guantánamo Detainees:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><a
 moz-do-not-send="true"
 href="http://theweek.com/article/index/237154/can-obama-still-close-guantanamo">http://theweek.com/article/index/237154/can-obama-still-close-guantanamo</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Courier;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span
 class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Courier;">ACLU
Description/Criticism of NDAA:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span
 style="font-family: Courier;"><a moz-do-not-send="true"
 href="http://www.aclu.org/blog/tag/ndaa">http://www.aclu.org/blog/tag/ndaa</a><br>
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span
 style="font-family: Courier;">Susie Day <a class="moz-txt-link-rfc2396E" href="mailto:suzetski@gmail.com"><suzetski@gmail.com></a><br>
</span></p>
</div>
<br>
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