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<div align="center"><b>SEX SANS THE CITY (A POST-MARXIST
PREVIEW)<br><br>
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Many capitalist roaders say the Left is out of
touch with popular culture. Well, I say NYET to that! Here, for instance,
is an episode of "Sex and the City" that I translated for my
Marxist-Leninist study group, so that we may better throw off our Tiffany
chains.<br><br>
[<i>Scene I: Chic, Upper West Side restaurant</i>]<br><br>
<b>SAMANTHA:</b> [<i>Striding in elegantly and
sitting at table where the girls are waiting</i>] Greetings, comrades!
How glad I am that I sexy, 50-year-old blonde girl, being fabulous and
having much sex with men meet you in favorite haute bourgeois bistro
for sex talk. Look at dick of sultry, ethnic waiter is not
fabulous?<br><br>
<b>MIRANDA:</b> <i>Rummaging impatiently through
briefcase</i>] Waiter dick unimportant for proper ordering, comrade. I,
being caustic, hard-driven attorney with bright red hair, styled to evoke
Great Mistakes in Hedge Trimming, no have time for frivolity. Must get
back to office to shill for corporate capital <br><br>
<b>SAMANTHA: </b>Ooh, "shill" sounds
sexy, comrade!<br><br>
<b>MIRANDA: </b>It is, comrade! Today, I defend
sexy Fortune 500 Company owning Indian Point nuclear power plant making
much electricity for city from selfish, unsexy officials who warn of
nuclear disaster. My logic: Why upset capitalist system? <br><br>
<b>CHARLOTTE:</b> [<i>Sighing pertly</i>] For
myself, comrades, I token person of dark hair color esteem the
finding of Perfect Monogamous Soul Mate as most high goal in consumerist
free market society. This is exalted dream for which masses labor,
regardless of increasing work hours, fear of layoff, dwindling surplus
profit, endless war and possible nuclear disaster. Heedless, heedless
masses! <br><br>
<b>CARRIE:</b> [<i>Flexing highly toned abs, set
off to perfection by jaunty, $5,000 Christian Dior ensemble resembling
clothes of Carmen Miranda after werewolf attack</i>] Ah, comrades how
good it is to exploit our lives in my column, earning many thousands of
dollars more than other writers who, unlike me, have college vocabulary
and knowledge of world history! [<i>She signals waiter</i>]<br><br>
Greetings, comrade bit actor of exotic descent
who is destined to receive five dollars each time this episode is played
in rerun! Please give us four of your most costly watercress omelets,
removing yolk and other caloric nutrients. Hurry before more
radioactive groundwater leaches from Indian Point into Hudson
River!<br><br>
<b>CHARLOTTE:</b> Comrade! This is too much food!
Is not anorexia neoliberal pre-condition for true female happiness?
<br><br>
<b>CARRIE:</b> You are mistaken, comrade. We must
order many expensive things regardless of whether we shall actually
consume them so that our power may grow! Profit motive of late
capitalism dictates terms of feminine value and we must obey.<br><br>
<b>CHARLOTTE: </b>Agreed.<br><br>
<b>MIRANDA: </b>Carrie, I am loving of your
shoes!<br><br>
<b>CARRIE:</b> Shoes are foot-warping,
spine-crippling Manolo Blahniks, costing $765! You see, comrades,
glamorous allure of destructive footwear comes not only from physical
sacrifice to wearer, but also from labor of anonymous, underpaid peasants
who toil in abusive, outsourced factories. It is suffering of <i>all</i>
classes that creates societal clout of Manolo Blahnik brand name you
can trust! <br><br>
<b>ALL:</b> [<i>Toasting</i>] Carrie is our
leader! Long live vanguard of post-industrial alienation from means of
production!<br><br>
[<i>SCENE II; Carrie at home. Posed on her bed in the adolescent
contortions of a 12-year-old with a stamp collection, she types on her
sleek Mac laptop, now available online for under $13,000.00. Her
voiceover narration:</i>] <br><br>
<b>CARRIE: </b>Later that night, I wonder why
virile mogul boyfriend, Mr. Beeg, refuse to commit. Could this mirror my
own sublimation of need for basic human contact into acquisition of
designer commodities? <br><br>
[<i>Close-up of glowing computer screen, as
Carrie types:</i>] "Commodity fetishism: good or bad and what if
meltdown occur at Indian Point?" [<i>Suddenly, sirens blare;
horrific explosion is heard</i>]<br><br>
[<i>Scene III: Back at stark ruins of Manhattan bistro; the stunned,
disheveled four are staring, in bleak, Chekhovian fashion, into a dimming
sun setting over the roiling Hudson.</i>]<br><br>
<b>MIRANDA:</b> Men are annoying.<br><br>
<b>CARRIE: </b>Men are peegs.<br><br>
<b>SAMANTHA:</b> I try lesbian sex. Too much
talk.<br><br>
<b>CARRIE:</b> Gay men better. Make good
pets.<br><br>
<b>CHARLOTTE:</b> I, with Jewish husband, for
whom I convert, have adopted child from faux-Communist country. Husband
is kind; we are happy. Yet we never speak of Palestine.<br><br>
<b>MIRANDA:</b> Please halt unsexy talk of Middle
East, comrade.<br><br>
<b>SAMANTHA: </b>Say, does anybody know why we
are only four left alive after tragic and totally unexpected disaster
at Indian Point?<br><br>
<b>CHARLOTTE:</b> Perhaps something about
Carrie's shoes?<br><br>
<b>CARRIE: </b>Correct, comrade! Thanks to
healing power of Manolo Blahniks commodity onto which we magically
project desire to survive we are, for now, protected. <br><br>
<b>CHARLOTTE:</b> [<i>Clutching stomach</i>]
Comrades, I don't feel so good.<br><br>
<b>CARRIE:</b> You must believe, comrade
believe in the <i>brand</i>. <br><br>
<b>MIRANDA:</b> Must get her to shoe store,
quick! <br><br>
<b>SAMANTHA:</b> Ooh, "store" sounds
sexy, comrades
<br><br>
[<i>Holding one another up, they hobble off in search of Fifth
Avenue.</i>]<br><br>
<br><br>
© Susie Day, 2008 suzetski@gmail.com <br><br>
<br><br>
State Pushes to Close Indian Point:
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/18/nyregion/18indian.html">
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/18/nyregion/18indian.html</a><br><br>
Indian Point in event of meltdown:<br><br>
<a href="http://www.nypirg.org/energy/indianpt.html">
http://www.nypirg.org/energy/indianpt.html</a><br><br>
Manolo Blahniks:<br><br>
<a href="http://www.manoloblahnik.com/">http://www.manoloblahnik.com/</a>
<br><br>
Sex and the City<br><br>
<a href="http://www.hbo.com/city/">http://www.hbo.com/city/</a><br><br>
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_the_City" eudora="autourl">
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_the_City<br><br>
<br>
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