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From: Robert Rodvik <rodrob@dccnet.com><br><br>
Subject: Political Science 101<br>
Sent: Wednesday, May 3, 2006 2:51 PM<br><br>
<br>
DEMOCRATIC<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
Your neighbor has none.<br>
You feel guilty for being successful.<br>
Barbara Streisand sings for you.<br><br>
<br>
REPUBLICANISM<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
Your neighbor has none.<br>
So?<br><br>
<br>
SOCIALIST<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.<br>
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.<br><br>
<br>
COMMUNIST<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.<br>
You wait in line for hours to get it.<br>
It is expensive and sour.<br><br>
<br>
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.<br><br>
<br>
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
the<br>
other, and then pours the milk down the drain.<br><br>
<br>
AMERICAN CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two cows..<br>
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one.<br>
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised<br>
when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts
stating<br>
you have downsized and are reducing expenses.<br>
Your stock goes up.<br><br>
<br>
FRENCH CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
You go on strike because you want three cows.<br>
You go to lunch and drink wine.<br>
Life is good.<br><br>
<br>
JAPANESE CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and<br>
produce twenty times the milk.<br>
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.<br>
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.<br><br>
<br>
GERMAN CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent<br>
quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.<br>
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.<br><br>
<br>
ITALIAN CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.<br>
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.<br>
You break for lunch.<br>
Life is good.<br><br>
<br>
RUSSIAN CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two cows..<br>
You have some vodka.<br>
You count them and learn you have five cows.<br>
You have some more vodka.<br>
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.<br>
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really
have.<br><br>
<br>
TALIBAN CORPORATION<br><br>
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.<br>
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.<br>
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives
to<br>
milk production but use the money to buy weapons.<br><br>
<br>
IRAQI CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two cows.<br>
They go into hiding.<br>
They send radio tapes of their mooing.<br><br>
<br>
POLISH CORPORATION<br><br>
You have two bulls.<br>
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk
them.<br><br>
<br>
BELGIAN CORPORATION<br><br>
You have one cow.<br>
The cow is schizophrenic.<br>
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.<br>
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.<br>
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.<br>
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.<br>
The cow dies happy.<br><br>
<br>
FLORIDA CORPORATION<br><br>
You have a black cow and a brown cow.<br>
Everyone votes for the best looking one.<br>
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally
vote<br>
for the black one.<br>
Some people vote for both.<br>
Some people vote for neither.<br>
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.<br>
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think
is<br>
the best-looking cow.<br><br>
<br>
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION<br><br>
You have millions of cows.<br>
They make real California cheese.<br>
Only five speak English.<br>
Most are illegal.<br>
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.<br><br>
<br><br>
***************************<br>
Robert S. Rodvik<br>
Author/media analyst<br><br>
"Everything faded into mist. The past was erased, the erasure was
forgotten, the lie became the truth."<br>
George Orwell - 1984<br>
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