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Day Views: Fugitive Offers Reward for Rumsfeld’s Capture<br><br>
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</b><i>by Susie Day<br>
2005-06-08<br>
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[ PU ] Speaking from Cuba, where she was granted asylum after escaping
from a U.S. prison in 1979, Assata Shakur, the alleged “Bandit Queen” of
the now-defunct Black Liberation Army, announced she would hand over one
million “HANDS OFF ASSATA” t-shirts to the person or persons who
successfully apprehend U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and
bring him to face war criminal charges at the International Criminal
Court. <br><br>
“Black people don’t scare me,” responded Secretary Rumsfeld, in a
telephone interview. “For one thing, their t-shirts shrink after washing.
For another, this woman’s name is not Assata Shakur, it’s Joanne
Chesimard. And finally, the United States government has just offered one
milliondollars, not t-shirtsto anyone who captures her. She’s a
convicted cop killer, for chrissake.” <br><br>
Assata Shakur, nee Joanne Chesimard, was, in fact, convicted of killing
state trooper Werner Foerster in 1973, after the car in which she and two
companions were riding was stopped by police on the New Jersey Turnpike
for a broken taillight. Ms. Shakur was, at the time, a reputed leader of
the Black Liberation Army, an underground spin-off of the Black Panther
Party, whose members, it was later revealed in Senate hearings, had been
targeted for surveillance, death, and incarceration by J. Edgar Hoover’s
FBI. <br><br>
Along with her supporters, Assata Shakur insists she is innocent; that
not only did troopers shoot dead one of her companions after police
stopped her car, but also that she herself was shot while her hands were
raised over her head, making it impossible for her to wield a gun. Ms.
Shakur further alleges that, once wounded and in custody, she was
tortured by police. Sentenced by an all-white jury to life in prison, Ms.
Shakur escaped with the help of outside friends, and was given sanctuary
by the Cuban government. Her offer of one million of the popular “HANDS
OFF ASSATA” t-shirts appears to have been motivated by the U.S.
government’s announcement, on May 2, of a $1,000,000 reward for her
capture. <br><br>
Liberals and progressives have been quick to respond to Ms. Shakur’s
offer, indicating that, within the American counterculture, activists
will do just about anything to wear the right person’s face on their
chests. “Who wants one million oppressive patriarchal imperialist
dollars?” queried Mulchy Greenleaf, lesbian blogger and founder of the
organization T-Shirts Not Bombs. “Besides, I could get five times that
much selling those groovy Assata t-shirts on the Web. Watch out, Rummy
babyyou’re history.” <br><br>
Indeed, Ms. Shakur’s offer may have given the American peace movement
just the initiative it has needed to stop the war in Iraq. “The feds want
to give $1,000,000 in taxpayer money to any thug who can kidnap a woman
who probably never killed anybody, while people like Donald Rumsfeldwho
are certifiably accountable for the torture and deaths of thousands of
innocent peoplelive free as heroes,” remarked Brian Bezerko, veteran
antiwar activist. “It’s disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire
Bush administration finds itself hog-tied and wriggling in front of the
International Criminal Court before this is over.” <br><br>
Meanwhile, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld laughs at danger, saying that the
threat of capture has given him a chance to perfect his Edward G.
Robinson imitation. “Yeah, my troops plugged about 100,000 Iraqi
civilians, see? We showed those prisoners who’s boss, see? And I never
lost my jobso you got nothing on me, see? Now, that Chesimard dame, she
could have maybe shot one cop. She’s the bad one, see? She’s the one you
want, yeah.” <br><br>
Although Mr. Rumsfeld professes indifference to would-be bounty hunters,
many of his advocates worry about his safety and are shoring up defenses.
<br><br>
“If Assata’s the Bandit Queen of the Black Liberation Army, then Donald
Rumsfeld is the Bandit Queen of the U.S. Army,” declared Mary Margaret
McNurtz, president of the new Hands Off Rummy Brigade, which has also
come up with its own attractive t-shirt. <br><br>
“All Miss Chesimard had to do, if she wanted to go around shooting
people, was join the U.S. military,” continued McNurtz. “Maybe the
equipment is a little shoddy, but they give women and African Americans
the same right as white men to kill with impunity. And there’s
equal-opportunity torture, too. Of course, she would have had to get
permission from Mr. Rumsfeld for the tasers and vicious dogs, but he
would have given it. Just like he did for Guantánamo and Abu Ghraib.”
<br><br>
The federal government has also begun to show concern for Mr. Rumsfeld’s
well-being. President Bush, alleging that the Secretary of Defense could
never get a fair trial at the International Criminal Court due to the
Court’s “bigotry against war profiteers,” has offered to grant Mr.
Rumsfeld asylum in Iraq. “Thank God we’ve created a haven from prejudice
there,” he said. <br><br>
Copyright Susie Day, 2005 <br><br>
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