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Breaking News<br>
Updated January 14, 2004<br><br>
<br><br>
PAUL O'NEILL CAPTURED<br><br>
'Good Riddance,' Says Bush<br><br>
Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill was captured Tuesday night in a
surprise raid on the PBS studios in New York, the Pentagon
confirmed<br>
today.<br><br>
"We got him," a coolly confident Vice President Dick Cheney
announced to the press moments after Mr. O'Neill was
apprehended.<br><br>
At a Pentagon briefing, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that
the military determined Mr. O'Neill's whereabouts after reading the
TV<br>
Guide.<br><br>
According to Secretary Rumsfeld, Special Forces operatives swarmed over
the PBS set shortly after 7 PM (EST), accidentally shooting Jim
Lehrer<br>
before releasing him and nabbing Mr. O'Neill. Hours later, images were
beamed around the world showing the former Treasury Secretary being
examined by a military doctor and checked for lice.<br><br>
Defending the decision to seize Mr. O'Neill, Mr. Rumsfeld said that the
Patriot Act permits former Cabinet members who make insulting
remarks<br>
about the White House to be arrested and detained forever. "Maybe
Mr. Jerky should've thought twice before shooting his mouth off,
eh?" Mr. Rumsfeld chuckled.<br><br>
Speaking from the Summit of Americas in Mexico, President George W. Bush
greeted the news of Mr. O'Neill's capture with a buoyant "good<br>
riddance." Arguing that "the world is a safer place"
with Mr. O'Neill in custody, Mr. Bush added, "Mr. Paul O'Neill is no
longer free to call people blind and deaf who are not actually blind
and/or deaf."<br><br>
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