[News] Where Have All the Muslims Gone? - The 2018 Hashmi Award
news at freedomarchives.org
Mon Feb 25 18:03:14 EST 2013
*Where Have All the Muslims Gone?
The 2018 Hashmi Award*
by Susie Day
New York, N.Y., 2018 -- Every year about this time, since way back in
2013, the City of New York
has bestowed its prestigious Hashmi Award upon a worthy New York
resident who lives openly as an observant Muslim. The Hashmi recipient
-- preferably of Asian, Middle Eastern, or African descent -- must have
paid taxes, abided by Western law, held no criminal record, valued
higher education, and demonstrated all-around Good Muslim Sportsmanship
in the war against terror.
The Hashmi, according to Mayor Christine Quinn
"is our way of saying, 'Thanks, observant Muslims, for allowing us to
project our post-9-11 fear and hatred onto you. Your sinister hijabs,
skullcaps, and beards, not to mention your wacky halal food, have
justified years of the NYPD
<http://www.ap.org/Index/AP-In-The-News/NYPD> secretly monitoring your
In a dignified ceremony at City Hall, the Hashmi honoree is presented
with a pair of complimentary waterproof socks and a rain poncho. The
lucky prizewinner is then immediately arrested on suspicion of intent to
give these items to Al Qaeda.
Now, in 2018, the Awards Committee would again like to honor a deserving
man or woman of the Islamic faith. Unfortunately, the Committee can't
seem to find one. Virtually all New York's observant Muslims appear to
have been deported or are assumed to be on the down-low, hoping to avoid
The Hashmi Award, begun in 2013, was named for the ultimate Good Muslim
Sport, Syed Fahad Hashmi
Hashmi, born 1980 in Pakistan, did not, unfortunately, begin life as a
Good Sport. When he was three, he moved with his family to the United
States and became an American citizen, thus succumbing to his inborn
jihadist urge to infiltrate Western society. The youthful Mr. Hashmi
soon launched himself on a downward spiral, moving ever deeper into the
netherworld of fanaticism by not smoking, not drinking, not cursing,
respecting his teachers, pursuing an interest in current events, and
abusing his First-Amendment rights in arguing against U.S. foreign policy.
By 2003, when he received a degree in political science from Brooklyn
College, Mr. Hashmi had all but completed his descent into terror.
Seeking to expand Islam's worldwide web, he went to England to study
for a master's degree in international relations at the London
Metropolitan University. There, Mr. Hashmi, in a wanton perversion of
niceness, allowed an acquaintance, Mohammed Junaid Babar
to spend two weeks in his apartment. He also permitted Mr. Babar to use
his cell phone and to stow some luggage. Luggage of doom, as it turned
out: for it contained waterproof socks, raincoats, and ponchos that Mr.
Babar later delivered to Al Qaeda in Pakistan.
Mr. Babar was arrested in 2004 and jailed. Then, to avoid a prison
sentence, he agreed to testify against the /real/ terrorist: the vile,
apartment-renting, sock-storing Syed Fahad Hashmi.
Mr. Hashmi, 26, was arrested in London in 2006, extradited to New York,
and held in solitary confinement under Special Administrative Measures
for three years before trial
Then, a miracle: In detention, cut off from family, friends, and most
sensory stimuli -- while contemplating a possible 70-year sentence
<http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/28/nyregion/28hashmi.html> -- Mr. Hashmi
allowed the healing power of Good Muslim Sportsmanship into his heart as
his personal savior.
Finally embracing the tenets of Western Enlightenment, Mr. Hashmi made
the inspiring decision to plead guilty
to one count of providing material support to Al Qaeda. By so doing, he
saved the U.S. government millions upon millions of dollars in the
beefed-up security that would have been needed for news media to evoke
the proper level of dread and revulsion
Mr. Hashmi now resides in the Florence, Colorado ADX, the most
locked-down prison in the U.S., where he will probably spend every
remaining day of his 15-year sentence. Unlike observant Christians
serving time for bombing abortion clinics or murdering doctors, Mr.
Hashmi lives alone in a bathroom-sized cell, devoid of human contact,
where, as one reporter from the /Guardian
put it, "The only possible means of communicating with other humans is
to yell into the toilet bowl and hope that someone may hear."
All this, for non-Muslim New Yorkers, makes not having a Hashmi Award
recipient especially hard to bear. "I'd hate to see that award
disappear," said veteran gay rights activist Herbie Brownstein, in an
impromptu sidewalk interview. "We of the LGBT community doff our
chapeaux to Mr. Hashmi and to the other brave folk of Islam who, in
this, and many other legal cases, have taken the place of us commie fags
as the main threat to Western civilization." Mr. Brownstein is
president of the New York Chapter of Militant Communist Homosexuals for
Domination of the Entire Globe.
"I hate that evil Muslim," interjected passerby Mildred Knucklewrapper,
who teaches third grade in the Bronx. "Thanks to that guy, we may never
know how many terrorists in South Waziristan now go to bed with dry
feet. That Hashmi Award is the perfect way to remember why we need to
forget about people like Syed Fahad Hashmi."
This reporter would have asked a challenging question at this juncture,
but was afraid to be seen as supporting terrorism.
Susie Day is a writer.
Freedom Archives 522 Valencia Street San Francisco, CA 94110 415
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