[News] Pity The Poor Affluent: Save Dominique Strauss-Kahn

[Anti-Imperialist News]

Pity The Poor Affluent: Save Dominique Strauss-Kahn

Published: Wednesday, September 14, 2011 7:33 PM CDT
http://www.gaycitynews.com/articles/2011/09/15/gay_city_news/perspectives/analysis/doc4e71475ed1eb5411921927.txt


BY SUSIE DAY

Snide Lines: Little Dominique Strauss-Kahn is 
only 62 years old, yet he struggles each day with 
a tragic disability: Try as he might, he cannot 
tell the difference between rape and consensual 
sex. Little Dominique suffers from a disabling 
moral affliction known as Assgrabbers Syndrome 
(AGS). You can save little Dominique ­ or you can turn this page.

Little Dominique was born into grinding affluence 
in an exclusive, upper-class suburb of Paris. His 
parents were too wealthy to afford the basic 
moral necessities. Dominique’s father, a tax 
attorney, and his other role models led a 
hand-to-mouth existence in a ruthless, 
free-market “jungle capitaliste,” where “les 
profits” depended on daily toil ­ often from 
early morn’ ‘til the late evening salad course ­ 
and, sometimes, even past the cheese plate.

Trapped in this milieu of genteel brutality, 
little Dominique learned early how to acquire 
more, ever more property, businesses, and 
resources through the art of cutting “les boules” 
off the competition. He became so adept, in fact, 
that the corporate locals gave him the gang name of “DSK” as a rite of passage.

But because he had been deprived of the proper 
ethical nutrients ­ and vowels ­ little DSK’s 
basic human conscience could not develop; it 
became stunted and shriveled. Studies show that 
being reduced to a diet of raw power and money is 
a major cause of AGS, and so little DSK came to 
believe that the sublime human experience of 
“l’amour” could be experienced merely in terms of mergers and acquisitions.

Yet the plucky little DSK struggled bravely 
against his crippling deformity. Although 
duty-bound to become a corporate attorney, he 
also joined the French Socialist Party, pitifully 
hoping that the universal love of a future 
classless society would heal his affliction. But 
his conscience remained a tiny, gnarled stump, 
and upon becoming the French finance minister, 
little DSK implemented many privatization and 
deregulation policies. Ultimately, our wee 
Socialist hit rock bottom when he became head of 
the International Monetary Fund.

Much in the way that children in developing 
countries are forced into prostitution, little 
DSK was made to offer huge IMF loans under 
impossible terms to desperately poor countries. 
Inevitably, when these countries were unable to 
pay their debt, billions of nameless, faceless 
poor people ­ whose drinking water was polluted 
by corporations like Coca-Cola and whose air was 
polluted by corporations like Chevron ­ became 
even poorer. This created a dangerous situation 
for little DSK, whose heartrending Syndrome was soon to be exploited.

You see, poor foreigners in their own countries ­ 
countries like Guinea, for instance ­ are good, 
honest people. But when poor foreigners come to 
our country, hoping to become less poor, they 
turn shifty and bad. Enter, from Guinea, Nafissatou Diallo.

Brazenly born where ­ thanks largely to the IMF ­ 
the average person lives on less than $1.25 a 
day, the wily Nifassatou grew up stinking rich in 
poverty. Ms. Diallo longed to flaunt her 
illiteracy and her underprivileged background of 
penury, despair, and violence. But the flaunting 
prospects were few in her native land. As soon as 
she became poor enough, she emigrated to the 
United States, where she found work as a 
shameless hotel maid. There, 
victim-extraordinaire, she waited to victimize 
the first hapless global financier whose bed she could “turn down.”

So it was in May that little DSK, worn out from 
his travails, checked into a $3,000-a-night suite 
at the Sofitel Hotel in Manhattan. Washing off 
the day’s residue of monopoly capital, he emerged 
from his cold, cold granite shower to find the 
uniformed Nafissatou hot in the act of 
“cleaning!” It was, to little DSK, as if 
Nafissatou were compelling him to help her develop her global market value!

Some kind of merger happened. Was it a tender 
offer? A leveraged buyout? Or, as Ms. Diallo 
insists, a hostile takeover? Alas, due to little 
DSK’s moral deformity, we shall never know. Apparently, it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter because Nafissatou Diallo told 
some lies to the DA. Lies about things not having 
to do with the incident. When you’re an 
immigrant, lying counts a lot more than when 
you’re a CEO. As we read in the New York Times, 
“Mr. Strauss-Kahn’s lawyers
 said in a statement 
that they had always maintained that the 
motivation of [Ms. Diallo’s lawyer] and his client was to make money.“

Rape-schmape: An illiterate immigrant woman from 
a dollar-a-day country who wants to make money? 
Now, that’s disgusting. In fact, you might say 
that poor women like this, who prey on the 
inability of innocent tycoons to distinguish love 
from lust, only want to rape big bank accounts!

Don’t let this unspeakable violation happen to 
little Dominique Straus-Kahn ­ and to thousands 
of similarly impaired megalo-money men! Won’t you 
please help? Help find a cure for Assgrabbers 
Syndrome by donating your moral compass to: SAVE 
THE MOGULS, 666 World Trade Center, New York, NY 00000.




Freedom Archives
522 Valencia Street
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415 863-9977

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