[News] Running Past PTSD (Or My Susto Profundo)
Anti-Imperialist News
news at freedomarchives.org
Tue Nov 10 12:11:51 EST 2009
http://www.counterpunch.org/rodriguez11102009.html
November 10, 2009
What They Did to You is What They to do to us in Our Countries"
Running Past PTSD (Or My Susto Profundo)
By ROBERTO RODRIGUEZ
November 7 marks 30 years since I won my first
police brutality trial in East L.A. in 1979.
After all these years, I have now come to
understand the meaning of resilience. Equally
important, I now have come to understand
something that always eluded me; the knowledge
that the attempt to silence me was an act of political violence.
Im not sure why this knowledge eluded me.
Perhaps it was because all these years, people
would always ask me if my skull had been cracked
by Sheriffs deputies during the 1970 protest
against the war in East L.A. No, I would always
reply, with a sense of guilt; it happened while
covering cruising on Whittier Blvd. on the
opening night of the movie Boulevard Nights.
It became political when while photographing the
beating of a young Mexican man the officers
then turned on me. They then charged me with
attempting to kill 4 officers with my camera.
All told, my life was threatened and I was
subsequently arrested, detained or harassed some 60 times.
About 5 years ago, I was invited to be a part of
a group of survivors of torture and political
violence. It was the most powerful and healing
thing Ive ever done. And yet, I felt I didnt
belong because all the other members were from outside of the country.
What they did to you is what they to do to us in
our countries. That was the consensus of the
survivors, insisting that I did belong there.
That perhaps is when I began to contextualize
what happens in the inner city, barrios and
reservations in this country: political
violence, corruption and lawlessness happens out
there, in Third World countries, never here.
Thats conventional wisdom. But it doesnt
explain why this nation operates the largest
prison system in the world, filled primarily with
people of color. It doesnt explain why the vast
majority of victims of law enforcement abuse are people of color.
Not coincidentally, I am celebrating Nov 7, as
opposed to that earlier date in March, because
thats what I want to commemorate; my victory, not my near-death nor trauma.
This journey can be best appreciated by survivors
of traumatic brain injury, and Post Trauamatic
Stress Disorder, or as I refer to it: susto
profundo. It can also be appreciated by those who
have dedicated their lives to treating those like
me whether they come from Asia, Africa or East
L.A. or anywhere else where human beings are routinely dehumanized.
I could recount the chilling details of what
happened to me 30 years ago, but what I have
finally learned is that it is both unnecessary
and harmful to the spirit; survivors of torture
or political violence generally, should give
political analysis, not excruciating details.
Instead, I choose to offer a few stories. One has
to do with how running prepared me for my 1986
lawsuit. Every day I ran up and down hills in
L.A. Each day I would run further so I could be
stronger than my enemies. By the time my trial
rolled around several months later, I had become
invincible: nothing or no one could defeat me.
With the courageous representation of my
attorney, Antonio Rodriguez, we won. It was an
unprecedented victory primarily because I am
alive (He also represented me again six years
later when we again triumphed in a lawsuit trial in 1986).
This running came back full circle this year when
around 50 young people including myself ran
from Tucson to Phoenix because legislators were
threatening to eliminate the teaching of ethnic
studies in Arizona. We were supported
enthusiastically by our communities and joined by
the Yoeme and Otham nations. When we reached the
state capitol, the legislators were amazed that
we had run through the merciless desert in 115
degree heat. The bill was dropped, though they
promised to eliminate Raza Studies next year.
Afterwards, one of the runners commented: We
came to fight this bill, but in the end, we came
to know ourselves
That too is what happens when
survivors fight to create a better humanity.
In all these years, one of the most rewarding
things for me was helping to heal other survivors
of political violence. It took place in
Washington D.C. several years ago. I had written
a column in which I described the healing of
Sister Diana Ortiz who had been tortured in
Guatemala with roses. While I read this column
in public, my wife, with the assistance of
children of survivors, not only placed those
roses upon her body, but also, upon all those
survivors who had come to urge the U.S.
government to abolish torture. Later, we also
gave the White House a spiritual limpia
(cleansing) at 3 am, though little good that did.
A psychologist in the field of trauma, Bessle Van
der Kert, made an observation several years ago;
he noted that survivors heal when they find a
greater passion for something other than their
trauma. For me, this is my research on
Centeotzintli or sacred maiz. It is a many-years
story, but it involves the search for origins and
migrations. At a certain point, I was told by
elders from throughout the continent: If you
want to know who you are, follow the maiz.
Thats what I do now. In the process, I learned
that the stories I had been looking for were
right in my own home
from my own parents who are
86 and 81
the stories they had told me when I
was growing up that became the basis for my
dissertation: Centeotzintli: Sacred maize a 7,000-year ceremonial discourse.
To be beaten is dehumanizing. To be treated as a
suspect population and to be told to go back to
where you came from is violating. To be denied
ones human rights makes us less than human. To
fight for one's rights is rehumanizing. To find
ones roots ones connections to that which is
most sacred on this continent to that which is
many thousands of years old and part of ones
daily life is affirming and it is to find ones humanity.
Roberto Rodriguez, an assistant professor at the
University of Arizona, can be reached at
<mailto:XColumn at gmail.com>XColumn at gmail.com
Freedom Archives
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415 863-9977
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