[News] Hillary's I Don't Give a Damn Campaign
Anti-Imperialist News
news at freedomarchives.org
Tue May 27 15:55:29 EDT 2008
May 27, 2008
http://www.counterpunch.org/day05272008.html
Hillary's I Don't Give a Damn Campaign
Gone with the W
By SUSIE DAY
Hillary Rodham Clinton was not a liberal, but the
news media seldom realized it when surrounded by
campaign placards and press kits, as a throng of
reporters in the Oval Office were on this bright, cold day in January 2009.
"Fiddle dee dee, I can't tell you people apart,"
chirped Hillary, her blue eyes fluttering
prettily near the top of her magnolia-white head.
"Now, what did you come to interview me about? Immigration? Health care "
Hillary paused, a wee worry line cracking her
otherwise unmarred, alabaster forehead: "Or maybe
you want to ask me how I got to be President
after losing the Democratic nomination?"
The reporters clamored in the affirmative.
"I'll just think about that tomorrow," Hillary
announced. "Now, shoo. Ive got some administratin' to do!"
As Secret Service agents dragged the reporters
away, Hillary settled back in her executive
swivel chair and smiled. "Administratin'" She
liked the way she had learned to drop her "g's"
at the end of gerunds and participles. Somehow,
it had helped her vote for a war in Iraq and
funding for an endless occupation. It also
inspired trust in hard-working Americans
hard-working white Americans. Not so much in those shiftless "other" people.
Hillary was glad she'd once told the press that
campaign support from "working, hard-working
Americans, white Americans" had dwindled for her
nonwhite opponent. And that "whites who had not
completed college" supported her. Hillary sighed
contentedly: It sure was nice, being a feminist.
Fiddle dee dee on the Middle East, recession,
global warming: Didn't everyone know that
identity politics was what the Presidential
campaign had been about? Whether women or African
Americans faced more discrimination? Didn't
Gloria Steinem write in the New York Times that
"the sex barrier is not taken as seriously as the
racial one"? Hadn't Geraldine Ferraro stated that
Barak Obama got preferential treatment because he
was a Black man? Why, even a Mary Kay Cosmetics
sales director in Ohio, declaring that women
wouldn't accept "back-of-the-bus" status,
organized a group of Democrats mostly women to campaign against Obama!
These brave feminists weren't afraid to act on a
truth that Reality forbade them to speak: that
while "African Americans" may occur in different
genders, "women" were always white. Yes,
Sisterhood was powerful at least for
"hard-working" women. Hillary had had to use
every ounce of her money and influence, but
finally she proved she was more oppressed, by being elected President.
Well. Maybe "elected" wasn't the best word. There
were those sexist accusations that she had hacked
some voting machines; the perennial charge that
votes of "hard-working" Americans counted more
than those of "non-hard-working" Americans.
Fiddle dee dee on that, too. Her philandering,
gun-running skunk of a hubby had the matter under
control. He owed her that much.
Ecstatically, Hillary hugged herself around her
37-inch waist and let out a warm, executive
cackle. "Home!" she cried exultantly. "George
Bush is gone and I'm home, to Tara I mean, the
White House where I belong. I'll never be power-hungry again!"
Suddenly, her handsome little head was abuzz with
all there was to do: print up new currency,
privatize more highways, punish some
superdelegates, arrange that cookie-baking photo op with Tammy Wynette
Hillary rang for the White House maid, Pammy.
Like most "hard-working" Americans, it took Pammy
a little longer to appear than Hillary would have
liked. Finally, she shuffled in. "Yeah, Ms.
Hillary?" sighed Pammy, patting her hairdo.
"Oh, Pammy, I want you to wash the windows behind
my desk," spoke Hillary crisply. "Then, if you
could rip down those curtains and make me a nice
pantsuit out of them. Now, don't dawdle so I
can read you white, hard-working people like a book."
Suddenly, shouts and the sound of gunfire erupted
from the White House lawn. A Secret Service
agent, shot in the chest, stumbled in, clutching
a bloodstained note. Groaning from the competing
pains of his bullet-wound and of being used as
such a transparent plot device, he managed to
gasp, "Telegram for the President," before
collapsing. Hillary's administrative lips trembled as she read aloud:
"ANGRY MOB OUTSIDE [STOP] AMERICANS SICK OF WAR
AND HOUSING CRISIS [STOP] WHENEVER ANY FORM OF
GOVERNMENT BECOMES DESTRUCTIVE IT IS RIGHT OF THE
PEOPLE TO ALTER OR ABOLISH IT AND INSITUTE NEW
GOVERNMENT [STOP] THAT'S DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE TOOTS [STOP] RESIGN NOW"
Terrified, Pammy began rending her dish towel, in
the amusing frenzy reserved for working-class
stereotypes. "I don't know nothin' about birthin'
no governments, Ms. Hillary!" she shrieked. "All
I know is, you put a knife in the President to cut your pain in two "
Pammy froze. Hoping to hell she hadn't just
inadvertently reminded her boss of Bobby
Kennedy's assassination, she scurried out.
But Hillary Rodham Clinton only smiled. It was
3:00 p.m. in the White House and she was alone
alone with her feminism. Of course, she suspected
terrorists. She remembered her old campaign
promise about obliterating Iran. Shouldn't she
have equal opportunity to use a military ploy any
male President would use to distract Americans from social change?
Her lily, feminist hand reached for the red
phone. For a second, she thought she heard the
voices of 71 million Iranians, wordlessly begging
for their lives. But what were they, compared to
one hard-working woman's right to be President?
"Frankly, my dears," said Hillary under her breath, "I don't give a damn."
Susie Day can be reached at: <mailto:sday at skadden.com>sday at skadden.com
© Susie Day, 2008
Freedom Archives
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