[News] Don't Go Hunting
News at freedomarchives.org
Tue Feb 14 17:43:10 EST 2006
Don't Go Hunting
Don't go hunting with tricky Dick Cheney
He's liable to shoot you on sight
You'll find out his birdshot's uranium
And the hue of his blackmail is white.
His cold heart is pumping with pistons
Motor oil greases the works
In addition to all of his war crimes
He's absolute king of all jerks.
That other guy's got to be hurtin'
Held behind hospital doors
Cheney calls in Halliburton
Ringleads more torture and wars.
In Iraq U.$. bombs murder thousands
Palestine and Afghanistan too
FBI assaults Puerto Rico
More blood flowing from Haiti's coup.
Till the day the people awaken
To toss him and his cronies in jail
You'd best keep your distance from Cheney
He might shoot you while hunting for quail.
TV comedians target Cheney accident
LOS ANGELES - Television talk shows took aim Monday at Vice President
Dick Cheney's accidental weekend shooting in Texas of a hunting
companion. Here are a few of the jokes.
"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS:
_ "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons
of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."
_ "But here is the sad part - before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had
denied the guy's request for body armor."
_ "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."
_ "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big
Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads
of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."
"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC:
_ "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East
has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick
Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.
_ "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney
accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact,
when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."
_ "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he
screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'"
_ "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the
new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central:
_ "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail
hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot
by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course,
(was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity
and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."
_ "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it
also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about.
... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this
enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice
president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're
trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -
it's just not worth it."
"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS:
_ "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he
can use his other face. He'll be all right."
_ "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down,
because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm
going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "
_ "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news
for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite
pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's
office can keep."
"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away
is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them
in the past."
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